So, the movie - Prayers for Bobby.
Unless you’re in the gay community, I don’t think one would just overcome this movie by chance. Unless you’re in the States, as it was pretty much a very celebrated made for tv movie there.
At the core of the story, sits the religious Sigourney Weaver [as Mary Griffith], who’s son - Bobby Griffith is gay. The story chronicles the life of the very cose-knit and religious - Griffith family, and how, by being gay - Bobby’s disruption of the family dynamics. Lastly, it tells us of how a mother survived a suicide of a son, and in an effort of trying to come to terms with his son’s death; how Mary became a strong voice in his son’s community that she once shunned.
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The reason why I’ve waited so long to watch it is because I know that the movie will just break my heart, and make my tears flow like crazy. I love to cry. I seriously do. That’s why I don’t mind watching a sob story, but after all the reviews I’ve read from all my YouTubers, and Blogger friends; I thought to myself - I need to watch this when I least expect the movie of anything. So that I’ll be caught off-guard, and by then, I’d appreciate it more.
Excellent choice, thinking back about it now.
Kasual K, after returning from his date with his boyfriend today asked me - “Did you took a second nap?” [me-post PfB]
I answered - “Nah. Is it because my eyes are read? I’ve just spent an hour and a half crying to a movie.”
And he replied back - “That’s so you.”
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Bobby Griffith, at 20, committed suicide by jumping off a bridge to an oncoming truck.
He died instantly.
Why?
Purely of the reason of - to him at least >> being gay is wrong in the eyes of God.
It was due to his strong Bible-educated background, and due to his own mother who is a very religious Catholic.
I have my favourite monologue of Mary and Bobby each.
They are:
Bobby :
“I’m slowly sinking in a vast plague of quicksand,a bottomless pool.I wish I could crawl under a rock and sleep forever.No one understands me.No one in this house can accept my side of the story.I can feel God’s eyes looking down on me with pity.I can’t never let anyone find out I’m not straight.It would be so humiliating.My friends would hate me ........ and my family?I’ve overheard them .....They ‘ve said that they hate gays,and even God hates gays.It really scares me when they talk that way,cause now they’re talking about me.I don’t want to choose sin.I don’t.I’m so mad and frustrated, God;I seem to be at the end of the road.Why do you remain silent?***I can feel God’s eyes looking down on me with such pity.It can’t help me though.Because I,have chosen Sin, over Righteousness.
There’s a monologue by Mary which I love as well, but I don’t want to overshadow Bobby’s above.
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You can say that I found myself in Bobby’s shoes, at every minute of the movie.
Laugh/pity if you want, but I am such a Bobby. [except for the middle part of the movie - if you’ve watched the movie that is]
I echo what Bobby says in the movie. >> ” I don’t want to choose sin. I really don’t. “
It’s so hard to accept myself when I have been spoon-fed from when I was a child that obeying God is the ONLY duty that I have. By that, all His tenets and His words.
It was easy up till I identified myself as gay.
Before that, I was always shrouded by the veil of naivety and innocence that I was ever so happy and content at life.
After identifying myself as one though, I struggled.
Struggled for everything........
Struggled for the reason behind it.
Struggled for the justification behind it.
Struggled for just being one.
and most of all,
Struggled with my belief system.
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Again, echoing what Bobby had said -
I can feel God’s eyes looking down on me with such pity.
It can’t help me though.
Because I,
have chosen Sin, over Righteousness.
I chose not to be condemned by my religion. No longer I can choose to be both - a Muslim and a gay. I’m sorry but to me, you’re either one or the other.
They’re mutually exclusive!
Although, at times, I feel that it’s so hard not to be religious.
It’s so innate in myself.
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Just last week, a handsome Canadian colleague of mine asked me about my faith, out of the blue. Without thinking, I replied Agnostic.
I can see the bafflement in his eyes.
I then gave another appropriate response of:
” You can say that I’m a non-practicing Muslim or an Agnostic. It doesn’t matter........“
I gave the reason being that I was born into a Muslim family, but I no longer believe wholeheartedly in the religion.
He just said hmmmmmm....
Maybe he was not expecting that. Maybe, he wanted to ask something about Islam a little bit more. I don’t know.
***
My point is, I’ve spent all my life being a religious Muslim.
After renouncing my faith, I still find it hard to not be one at times.
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I can feel God’s eyes looking down on me with such pity.It can’t help me though.Because I,have chosen Sin, over Righteousness.
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